Was the pisser invented by a man listening to the best of his yin and yang, or by a woman who saw the light and the solution to the inconvenience of squatting bare bottomed in cold weather or crowded spaces? The fact is, with the right amount of practice, le pisser works.
Here it is, I give it to those of you who still get a cramped bladder looking for the elusive bush at Indian bus stops, or cold cheeks and wet feet on windy wintry days.
Let me introduce: le pisser!
Le pisser is a very practical implement which bridges the gap between pissing while-u-squat (a very rewarding experience at most times) and the pissing while-u-stand, at times a sensible alternative to womanhood’s instinctive inclination to get close to Mother Earth.
Making one is as simple as washing your hair: first, secure an empty bottle of shampoo: ideally a bottle with curved flanks and long neck, but any shape will do as long as it looks the part. Cut it in half lengthwise (*), and ever so carefully smooth the edges, or cover them with tape. See below:
Any shape will do, as long as the business end ( the wide end, the one on top in the third picture above!) fits comfortably between your legs.
Then go to the kitchen, put the kettle on, have three cups of tea and one bottle of stout in rapid succession. Psyche up for the experience of a lifetime. Hold the pisser in one hand; keep at a convenient distance obstacles living between you, the pisser, and le pisser. Stick it between your legs and wiggle around it until it feels snug. See below:
Relax and tell yourself you won’t wet your pants just because you are about to pee in a standing position. Some people do it all the time. Do not forget to check wind speed and direction. Enjoy. Shake after use. Store in suitably easy to access space (skirt pocket, handbag,.. )
You are in business. Never again will you have to put up with squatting at inconvenient times and places.
Le pisser was described in a past issue of Climbing (US mag) as a most silly invention (or such words). Yeah. Right. Any guy who has tried to get half an inch through three inches of cold weather gear knows that a little help goes a long way.
Once you have mastered le pisser, you will just snigger at sniggers, and never travel without one again. 🙂
A note to men reading this: looking for the perfect Valentine day presie for your outdoorsy girlfriend/wife/partner? Look no more. Give a bit of time, and a bit of love.
(*) Watch those fingers cutting the shampoo bottle in two!
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