Today,

I woke up with a smile in my heart. The rising sun was turning my thirty year old tent a proudly faded orange and I felt in a thankful mood.

Reflecting on love and its many rewards.

The other day,  I was rummaging around, trying to locate a permaculture design folder, and I came across a burgundy sleeve filled with seventies relics.

Twelve, and my first high school love. On top, the ancestor of Messenger! Little notes were passed around in utmost secrecy (only shared with girlfriends of the inner circle) and waiting for answers an endless source of great anticipation.

It still amazes me how much I have collected and kept over the years. Attached to the past? I don’t think so. Eight years ago a flash flood inundated my house and sheds. Many memories turned into soggy mulch. It felt very liberating.

After the flood, I decided to burn everything I was romantically emotionally attached to, to make room for a new love.  Many tears were shed, but ‘Burning Bridge-t ‘ did the job. 

I do however have an interest in the lessons learned along the way, the countless times they have been repeated, the odd ‘aha’ moments. The biggest lesson of all, from which everything flows, is Love.

I look back and forth at the teachings of Love, and I understand.

Yes, you are witnessing a rare ‘aha’ moment.

Jon at Old Morestone Station, 2002. This is where our puppy Seraphine Snuppesen died after eating a dingo bait in 2001. Ph: Copyright Brigitte Muir

In 2002, a motley film crew, Jon Muir and I drove across Australia to film extra footage for the ‘Alone Across Australia’ documentary. After we left the crew, Jon and I drove down the Queensland Coast to pick up the double kayak I would never paddle with him.

Suddenly, Jon hit the Pajero’s steering wheel with great emotional violence. I had announced, a few days earlier, that I had fallen in love, and slept, with another man. ” I am not angry at you,” he said, ” You followed your heart. I am angry at myself for failing at being a husband. ”

No need to get into me failing at being a wife, that one is obvious. It was a lesson I did learn, ten years later, when I, the student , found the right teacher, my husband Eric.

” I forgive you”, Jon added, “but I will not forget. ”

That is the lesson of Love.

My wise man. Your words finally make sense to me, because now, I am living them. Whether it is self – love, intimate love, friendship, family, tribe, community, I forgive but I will not forget.

Only from this point onward can true love and commitment happen, only then does the student of life learn the lesson.

And if I forget it again, I will , each and every time, forgive myself.

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